Freedom Versus License

another piece of a facebook conversataion... this one initiated by an article by naomi aldort

i find a.s. neil's quote about "freedom not license" to be SUCH an important piece of this stuff (radical parenting).

i hadn't thought of using "freedom vs. license" for other aspects of life, but that is SO wise! i've used things like "everything in moderation" or "balance" or whatnot, but i think "freedom vs license" is where it's at right now! thanks for that idea!!!

it is SO messy, impossible to measure, and personal (not about someone else's idea of what's "right"). some days things seem to flow so beautifully and sometimes i just feel stuck with it! i guess the biggest difference i can pin down is a healthy dose of both personal clarity and patience (or willingness to listen). also when i'm feeling "full-up," i can be a lot more intentional and creative in my problem solving. instead of just saying "no" or "stop"(or thinking "because i freakin' said so, dude" or " i give up"), i can help negotiate, offer alternatives, redirect, and really help transform troubles into something positive.

i too feel alienated from the radical unschooling community as well as the mainstream parenting/teaching community. i just can't get behind a lot of the stuff i observe and experience. i guess it is helpful to remember that it's so much easier to see what "ought to be done" when you are observing and not so easy when you are in the thick of it! also, everyone is doing the best they can with their own strengths and struggles and we are all in different places with it... although (and here's a total tangent) i think that's part of the problem, there's NO cohesion among this culture's child-rearing practices. even among close friends and within families there are so many different ways of doing things. of course, that is part of what makes our culture so beautiful and rich, full of possibility, but it also creates tension, uncertainty, and instability that doesn't seem to exist in the same way in cultures where child-rearing practices are passed on from one generation to the next and are pretty uniform among communities. ...if i ever write a thesis it might be about that! :)

as someone who was raised in the heart of the "free to be" generation with plenty of control issues held over from the boomer generation, i have a lot of healing growing and learning of my own to do (of course). really, despite all the theories and philosophies, i think being "healthy" (happy, whole, balanced, etc) adults is the best thing caregivers/parents/teachers can do for kids.