Thursday, December 3, 2009
A Rant For Ponyo (and against Disney)
i just saw the movie ponyo and would highly recommend burning any disney movies you come in contact with and watching this instead. (of course you should check it out before you share it with your kids though). it's playing at the academy right now. it's a miyazaki film, put out by disney but SO "not disney." it is beautiful, sweet, funny, magical, real, silly, deep, etc. the scariest part is about a tsunami (with fish eyes), which is some ways is worse than the scary and violent disney-type horrors because it is perhaps more real, but is not AS dramatic and loud as the scary parts in most kids movies. (still could be scary, especially for 4 and unders... but not compared to your average disney movie). for the most part the messages about gender, love, friendship, parenting, physical beauty, good and evil, work, family, etc are all very healthy-- real but positive. there are: awesome old ladies, a mom with a beer, noodles for dinner, lots of giggling, boats and whales, scientific names for fish, a daycare next door to the senior center, a wild ride in the car, beautiful ocean scenery, etc, etc, etc. the only stereotypically beautiful princess-y woman is the goddess of the ocean. the main characters look like normal (well, cartoon-y but varied and regular) people. the only "bad guy" isn't super scary or evil, but more of a slightly crazy concerned father... and an overzealous environmentalist. in the end they shake hands and make peace. they never battle him or anything! i love that. the girl and boy main characters love each other like nothin' else but it's not sexualized or even romanticized at all. yeah for not exploiting children!!! the balance between real life and magic/imagination is good. the balance between harsh reality and ideal life is healthy. (the family isn't crazy dysfunctional OR idealized.) they way children are portrayed is awesome- independent, kind, strong, self-regulated, connected to family and community, open, funny, quirky, innocent, intelligent, etc. i think Ponyo is probably one of the best kids movies i've ever seen, in terms of actually being good for kids, not about kids for grown-ups (like coraline and the like). it's like a politically correct (aka not sucky and offensive) little mermaid. one of my favorite parts was the mom saying to her kid, "that guy was a real freak show... but don't call people freak shows, we should respect the beauty in everyone." (or something along those lines). as one mom who watched it said, "watching a dinsey movie makes your kid want to buy a plastic doll. (or, i add, BECOME a plastic doll.) watching a miyazaki movie makes your kid want to eat noodles." another said miyazaki movies are "works of art." (not boring art films though!)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Rant to a Kid-Hatin' Neighbor
(This was the original letter... not the version I actually sent her.)
Dear P,
While I understand your frustrations and am sorry for any irritation the children at my house may cause you, I am highly uncomfortable with you yelling at them and having intimidating conversations with me in front of them. I need to ask you to please not address the children in my care or to discuss this with me when they are present.
I understand the frustration of living close to neighbors. My room (where I sleep, eat, work, read, etc) is about 10 feet from my neighbors’ front door and front yard where their children play. They yell, shriek, scream, and chase, throughout the day-- often it is hard to hear a movie I am watching or I am woken in the morning. On the other side of the house, I experience my neighbors swearing and fighting, their dogs viciously fighting, and their cigarette smoke wafting over the fence into my lungs. This is all part of living in a city, with neighbors close by. While certain considerations must be made (and there are laws which set basic levels of respect-- no loud music at night for example), there is also some flexibility and tolerance required of all of us.
Last year you told me loudly and in front of the children that “children should be seen and not heard.” You also suggested “taping them to a chair.” Both of these comments were made so they could hear. I consider both of those comments to be abusive towards children as they threaten their emotional, and even physical, well being. On April 16th, you yelled “STOP SCREAMING” at them. Then you told me “this is an adult’s world and they need to learn to live in it,” again loud enough that they could hear. Well P, I completely disagree with that comment. This is everyone’s world! We live in a world that we must share with others, including children who are a necessary part of the human race. These children ARE learning how to live in a world which adults have utterly messed up, and that takes time. Adults abuse, neglect, and mistreat children. Adults pollute the earth, start wars, and create famine which children fall victim to. People who are young now will grow up to care for us and for the world they inherit. It only makes sense to treat them the way we would want to be treated.
Young children need loving attention, kind boundaries, and the freedom to express themselves and explore the world in which they live. Just about any contemporary thinking about young children acknowledges their need to scream and express themselves. The shrieking that you find so offensive is one of the ways they express their delight as they play chase. It is also one of the ways they process fear and stress. If they are not able to vent their feelings in a physical way, the feelings are likely to turn into chronic problems such as headaches, knotted muscles, achy joints, stomach cramps, or emotional disorders. I am very sorry that you grew up in a situation that didn’t allow you to express yourself. From what you have said, it sounds like you were expected to act like a small adult at a very young age. It sounds like you were punished for other people’s problems and for the unreasonable expectations that were put on you. But the cycle has to stop here, P. The abuse can not go on… at least not on my watch.
I have felt a great deal of pressure since last spring when you expressed your concerns for the yelling. I have talked to the children about it and asked them not to scream. But I don’t think I have been fair to them or their parents. They have to remain calm and quiet inside already, as our space does not allow for the loud or rowdy play I wish they could participate in whenever they feel the need. They already have to wait until we go outside. You said they should wait until they go home to scream, but this is my home and I share it with them. At home they also have neighbors. I have told their parents that this is a place where their children will be able to express themselves. In the last year I have been trying to silence them because I’ve been concerned about your reaction. I don’t feel that has been fair to the children, their families, or to me. It has created more stress and discomfort. While I will continue to take your concerns and requests into consideration, I need you to let me do my job without the worry that you will verbally attack or threaten myself or the children in my care.
Children are at my house 3 days per week for 4 hours, and 2 days per week for 6 hours. They are almost never here on weekends or in the evening. Usually we are outside for 30 minutes to 1 hour, 5 days per week, between 11am and Noon. Though in the summer we will be out more, it is still a very limited amount of time that they are here, less that they are outside, and even less of that they are shouting. It is never very early in the morning or very late at night.
I wonder if some ear plugs or headphones with music might help muffle the sound and help you feel better. I hope you can find a supportive person to listen to you about your frustration with this and past negative experiences that make children and their screaming a trigger for you. I would also be open to talking about this sometime when I am not with the children. You are welcome to email me or call to set up a meeting. I am also open to using a free neighborhood mediation service that I know of, if you feel the need for that. I am going to have to officially ask you not to address the children in my care or to discuss these issues with me when they are present.
I am very sorry that we have this disagreement and struggle between us. I like you and W and when I moved in was happy to have such cool and interesting neighbors. I hoped that we could be friends or at least be friendly. I’m sorry that you don’t enjoy having the children nearby. Their presence can be a delight if we let it!
Dear P,
While I understand your frustrations and am sorry for any irritation the children at my house may cause you, I am highly uncomfortable with you yelling at them and having intimidating conversations with me in front of them. I need to ask you to please not address the children in my care or to discuss this with me when they are present.
I understand the frustration of living close to neighbors. My room (where I sleep, eat, work, read, etc) is about 10 feet from my neighbors’ front door and front yard where their children play. They yell, shriek, scream, and chase, throughout the day-- often it is hard to hear a movie I am watching or I am woken in the morning. On the other side of the house, I experience my neighbors swearing and fighting, their dogs viciously fighting, and their cigarette smoke wafting over the fence into my lungs. This is all part of living in a city, with neighbors close by. While certain considerations must be made (and there are laws which set basic levels of respect-- no loud music at night for example), there is also some flexibility and tolerance required of all of us.
Last year you told me loudly and in front of the children that “children should be seen and not heard.” You also suggested “taping them to a chair.” Both of these comments were made so they could hear. I consider both of those comments to be abusive towards children as they threaten their emotional, and even physical, well being. On April 16th, you yelled “STOP SCREAMING” at them. Then you told me “this is an adult’s world and they need to learn to live in it,” again loud enough that they could hear. Well P, I completely disagree with that comment. This is everyone’s world! We live in a world that we must share with others, including children who are a necessary part of the human race. These children ARE learning how to live in a world which adults have utterly messed up, and that takes time. Adults abuse, neglect, and mistreat children. Adults pollute the earth, start wars, and create famine which children fall victim to. People who are young now will grow up to care for us and for the world they inherit. It only makes sense to treat them the way we would want to be treated.
Young children need loving attention, kind boundaries, and the freedom to express themselves and explore the world in which they live. Just about any contemporary thinking about young children acknowledges their need to scream and express themselves. The shrieking that you find so offensive is one of the ways they express their delight as they play chase. It is also one of the ways they process fear and stress. If they are not able to vent their feelings in a physical way, the feelings are likely to turn into chronic problems such as headaches, knotted muscles, achy joints, stomach cramps, or emotional disorders. I am very sorry that you grew up in a situation that didn’t allow you to express yourself. From what you have said, it sounds like you were expected to act like a small adult at a very young age. It sounds like you were punished for other people’s problems and for the unreasonable expectations that were put on you. But the cycle has to stop here, P. The abuse can not go on… at least not on my watch.
I have felt a great deal of pressure since last spring when you expressed your concerns for the yelling. I have talked to the children about it and asked them not to scream. But I don’t think I have been fair to them or their parents. They have to remain calm and quiet inside already, as our space does not allow for the loud or rowdy play I wish they could participate in whenever they feel the need. They already have to wait until we go outside. You said they should wait until they go home to scream, but this is my home and I share it with them. At home they also have neighbors. I have told their parents that this is a place where their children will be able to express themselves. In the last year I have been trying to silence them because I’ve been concerned about your reaction. I don’t feel that has been fair to the children, their families, or to me. It has created more stress and discomfort. While I will continue to take your concerns and requests into consideration, I need you to let me do my job without the worry that you will verbally attack or threaten myself or the children in my care.
Children are at my house 3 days per week for 4 hours, and 2 days per week for 6 hours. They are almost never here on weekends or in the evening. Usually we are outside for 30 minutes to 1 hour, 5 days per week, between 11am and Noon. Though in the summer we will be out more, it is still a very limited amount of time that they are here, less that they are outside, and even less of that they are shouting. It is never very early in the morning or very late at night.
I wonder if some ear plugs or headphones with music might help muffle the sound and help you feel better. I hope you can find a supportive person to listen to you about your frustration with this and past negative experiences that make children and their screaming a trigger for you. I would also be open to talking about this sometime when I am not with the children. You are welcome to email me or call to set up a meeting. I am also open to using a free neighborhood mediation service that I know of, if you feel the need for that. I am going to have to officially ask you not to address the children in my care or to discuss these issues with me when they are present.
I am very sorry that we have this disagreement and struggle between us. I like you and W and when I moved in was happy to have such cool and interesting neighbors. I hoped that we could be friends or at least be friendly. I’m sorry that you don’t enjoy having the children nearby. Their presence can be a delight if we let it!
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